Back to Educators' Resources Dealing with a Dyxlexic and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Son One Family's Story...      There was a long pause... My heart was beating fast... What would this special education teacher friend say after baring my soul about my failure to teach our beautiful son how to read? Her response was not what I expected: "Wow, I had no idea... Steven is so fortunate to be at home! Do you realize what would have happened to him if he had been in a conventional classroom?"      Now, what was I supposed to do?      I had called my good friend, a special education teacher in the public schools, because even though she didn't approve of our decision to homeschool, I knew she would not betray us to authorities. I desperately needed to consult with someone who could either corroborate or dismiss my concerns. As a social worker, I had worked for a short time as part of a team with pediatricians in diagnosing children with attention deficit and hyperactive problems so I was well aware of the signs, yet as a parent I questioned my objectivity.      Why didn't we go to a doctor to help us sort it all out? It was about 1986 (Steven must have been about seven) and homeschooling was not considered a credible educational option. Our doctor, pastor, and most of our friends as well as professional educators were disapproving of the radical step we had taken to educate our children at home. One friend, an administrator of one of Minnesota's most highly regarded high schools, had even accosted us apoplectically with, "If you fail with your children, you will have wrecked their lives. It is too costly an experiment!" Consequently, the last thing we wanted to do was to draw the attention of "experts" to the fact that our son was still unable to read. It would have opened a Pandora's box of legal ramifications!      Steven was a darling white-haired, blue-eyed baby - the kind that people would stop in the mall to admire!      During that first year of life, as Steven began to reach for food and objects I noticed with consternation that he seemed to favor his left hand. Realizing that his high chair was always to my right and I fed him from his left, I started making a point of feeding him from the right and to make objects and silverware available from his right. He was oblivious to my "hints" and continued to confidently resort to using his left hand most of the time. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of apprehension about how I was going to teach him handwriting skills, but we had to resign ourselves to the fact that he was left-handed... the Lord would have to help us when the time came...      When Steven was about 2 years old, we had another jolt from our pediatrician. At a well-child checkup I expressed my concern about how "skinny" Steven was. The doctor leaned back with a laugh and informed me that if he was failing to thrive he would not be off the charts for normal height. But then he leaned forward and said, "You know he is hyperactive, don't you?" I was dumbfounded and said something inane like, "But, he has such a nice disposition!" The doctor responded with, "I have been watching him for the last hour and a half" (all four of our children had been in for checkups), "and he has been in constant motion. Does Steven ever sit still?" I had to admit that he didn't but protested with, "Isn't this the way little boys are supposed to be?" As long as we did not have a problem with managing Steven's "hyperactivity," our doctor was certainly not going to recommend any of the prevailing drug treatments. We liked the way Steven was and did not want to alter his loving zestful disposition!      We believe a key to Steven's happy disposition was that our family was on a strict diet at this point in our life. Steven's oldest sister had also had "hyperkinetic" problem behavior which we discovered we could modify by a diet rich in whole grains, simply prepared vegetables and fruits, and limited amounts of red meat. We were careful to prepare food which did not have additives and eliminated sugar and red food dye (this meant no hot dogs, fruit punch, Jell-O, or yellow cheese). However, despite his happy-go-lucky disposition, we were soon going to have to face the fact that we were going to have to develop a higher level of self-discipline if were were going to teach Steven the coping skills he would need to be a successful adult.      As a three- and four-year-older, we found our frustration level escalating. Steven did not seem to be able to follow through on simple instructions. He never displayed a rebellious attitude... he just seemed to always get distracted with something else! When I would reprimand him, he would be so chagrined. There were even times I caught him spanking himself! Fortunately, the Lord gave us the wisdom to realize that while Steven was not usually deliberately disobeying, it would be a travesty to let him grow up having learned to get along by being charming, but never able to take on and follow through with responsible and appropriate behavior!      The technique which I became convicted to use after going to the Lord in prayer was as follows: Before giving Steven any instructions or commands, I had to make sure I had his full attention. That meant he had to be within an arm's length and have full eye-contact with me. Often I would find myself taking his chin in my hand and gently raising his face or kneeling down to his level until he was looking directly into my eyes. I would hold up my finger for number one (we gradually built up to three points over a period of months) and give him an order(s). Steven would then repeat back to me using his finger(s) to enumerate the instruction(s). Kinetic children especially need visual and tactile as well as auditory cues. If Steven was at all unsure about what I was instructing him to do, I would do it with him until I was sure he knew the process (e.g. pick up and put clothes away, put his toys away, clear the table, make his bed, etc.) The last step was to always (and I mean always) check immediately to make sure he had followed the instructions I had given him.      Teaching these coping skills necessitated discipline on my part which was almost overwhelming because of all the responsibilities I had with everything else going on. Further, the struggle with his attention deficit problems did not go away in a year... it went on for years! However, I believe teaching Steven to obey instructions was one of the most important keys to Steven's success as an adult. It is certainly something a classroom teacher would not have been able to accomplish because of Steven's ability to charm and distract people from realizing he had not accomplished anything he had been instructed to do.      When Steven was four, he began proudly writing his name but it was always written from right to left and with every letter reversed. At first we weren't too concerned because our older children's early attempts were similar. Soon we realized Steven’s brain must be seeing things differently! It was like he was writing in a code which could only be deciphered if it was held up in a mirror. It was interesting that with these early attempts at writing and even later, he was able to write correctly (with only a few letter reversals) if I would tap the left side of his paper or blackboard and suggest he try starting on that side instead of the right.      The real heartbreak came when we realized that Steven could not learn to read! He could read letters, associate sounds with letters, copy words (albeit in mirror image), and loved to look at pictures in books, but the link which allows us to not only decode alphabet sounds but attach meaning seemed to be missing. He could not read at seven, eight, or nine years. I would wake up at night with nausea wondering if it was my fault. Had I neglected him in some crucial way because I was so busy with the older children? Was the theory of allowing children to develop according to their own neurological pace true or should we have followed the popular and prevailing theory of "early intervention?" Should we have sent him to school so he could benefit from the knowledge of the experts? I would cry out to God for wisdom during those dark hours and then wake up the next morning to keep on keeping on, all the while wondering if we were on the right track even though I put on a confident face to the world.      The week Steven learned to read is one of the most memorable of my teaching career. He was almost 10 years old. I decided to devote my attention to him as much as possible for a week in order to once more see what we could accomplish. Suddenly, everything came together and it would have been impossible to hold him back. He would sit on the steps which go from our kitchen (where we did all our group assignments) down to the family room with his book. In his excitement the book would invariably turn upside down! It didn't seem to bother him that he was more comfortable reading upside down, but it made me sick to my stomach as I watched! It seemed to me that there must be some reason why we hold books "right side up." So over and over I would gently suggest that he turn the book around and do it that way. I think Steven still reads almost as comfortably upside down as "right side up!"      Several years later I met two reading specialists from our local high school who were fascinated by the fact that we were homeschoolers. When I learned about their specialty, I of course told them Steven's story. I will never forget the incredulous look they exchanged, and then with awe in her voice one of them slowly articulated: "Of course, all children can learn to read by the time they go through puberty unless they have brain damage or if they have developed such a negative image of themselves that they no longer believe they can!"      Last spring, Steven graduated from a one year institute of Jewish studies on the East Coast. We knew he had achieved top grades, but we were totally unprepared when after much "pomp and circumstance" the student who had achieved the highest academic standing of the class was called forward to receive his award. The student was our son Steven! As he strode forward with his gown flying behind him, I sat there battling tears as I remembered a little towheaded, blue-eyed boy sitting on the kitchen floor valiantly studying pictures in books, but unable to read -- year after year after year...      Do you have a son or daughter who can't seem to make heads or tails out of reading? A child who isn't even interested in learning? Or, a child who is in constant motion and is always causing or getting into trouble? Here are some of the things which we believe are important to consider in dealing with children like our son: Make sure that Bible reading and Bible memorization are part of your routine each day, but don't expect your son or daughter to sit still. We had a basket of quiet activities which kept hands busy so that hearts and ears would be receptive. There is nothing more important than instilling the words and principles of Scripture into the young minds and hearts of our children! Review your diet. Doctors are of differing opinions about how important this is in controlling behavior. However, if it works, you won't care what your doctor says. Further, a healthy diet rich in vegetables and fruits, low in red meat and fat, rich in whole grains and legumes, and low in sugar and additives, will be of inestimable help to your child and his or her future health. Are your children getting enough sleep? We live in a sleep deprived culture with all our technological "advantages!" However, sleep needs vary from individual to individual. Make sure your child's sleeping area is dark and quiet (our "hyper" children cannot tolerate night lights and need room darkening shades in the summer). Establish a regular calm bedtime routine. Try gradually putting the children to bed each night ten or fifteen minutes earlier until you reach a point where they are waking up naturally at an appropriate time in the morning. Children and teens (who need even more sleep) need nine to eleven or more hours of sleep each night to operate at optimum levels. "Hyper" children are often simply tired children trying to keep awake! Have a midday quiet time each day. I required our children (right up to their teens) to spend 30-60 minutes each day after lunch in quiet activities on their beds. This gave the preschoolers and me a nap time, and taught the older children to take the initiative to complete quiet activities on their own such as journaling, reading, letter writing, and Bible quizzing memory work. Are your children getting enough healthy exercise? Children need to move, run, skip, jump, and hop... a lot! It is amazing how much fun our children had climbing trees; "Skinning the Cat" and other acrobatic stunts on an old metal swing set; using the 2x4's which defined our homemade sandbox for a balancing beam; an inexpensive basketball hoop in the driveway; a knotted rope hanging from a beam in our basement for climbing and swinging; building snow forts; playing circle games (Fox and Geese in the winter and Duck, Duck, Gray Duck, The Farmer in the Dell, London Bridge, and others in the summer or indoors); playing hide and seek games; making up relays and races with each other (older kids were required to have handicaps); etc. A good friend put an old mattress/spring set to good use as an improvised "trampoline" (incidentally, also much safer but still fun and good exercise even though you can't jump as high)... Children who have attention deficit and hyperactive problems need consistent loving discipline even more than other children. It always troubles me to see and hear parents shrugging off belligerent antisocial behavior as an inevitable side effect of ADHD! Eliminate television. It is always a temptation to resort to the TV to provide a respite from the constant noise and activity. However, let me assure you that for every hour of relative quiet you achieve, you will pay with at least six more hours of unacceptable behavior. Sitting passively absorbed by the screen (whether television or computer monitor) prevents children from discharging all the kinetic energy the Lord has provided for them. Kinetic energy allows our children to develop healthy bones and muscles and allows them to experience life in a way that will enable them to make good use of all the head knowledge they will be absorbing once their need to discharge kinetic energy slows down! It is also a golden window of opportunity for you to teach them to put that energy to good use not only in playing but also real work! Read aloud together as a family everyday. Children who are read to will become readers unless there is physiological or emotional damage which would prevent them. Babies need to hear language used in nursery songs and rhymes. Mother Goose and Robert Louis Stevenson's poems are delightful to read and reread to preschoolers and to memorize in the early elementary years. As they grow, children's classics and true stories are important to share together.      Most important of all is to read God’s word everyday together (we enjoyed using the Living Bible for our family devotions until our children were in their teens at which point we used the King James, the New King James, and the New International Versions).      There are many different types of "learning disabilities" which children are labeled with today. However, before you call in the "experts" I hope you will go to the Lord in prayer for wisdom and the self-discipline you need and then try these suggestions. Copyright 2001 Ruth Lindstrom. Used by permission.      Ruth and Dean Lindstrom started homeschooling their four children in 1983, and for many years chaired a large support group network in southeastern Minnesota. Dean and Ruth have served on the board of directors for Minnesota Association of Christian Home Educators since 1995. Ruth (as a writer, speaker, and workshop leader) is actively involved in opportunities to strengthen and serve families as they seek to teach and train their children in ways which will bring true success. Back to Educators' Resources